DOG TO GOD
Compiled by Florence W Deems
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Dear Readers: Again I'm faced with the problem of not being able to give credit to the person who wrote this originally. I received this via email from a friend, who received it via email from another friend, ad infinitum. I'm sure you all know what I mean. Most of the time when I receive email like this, there is no url or even a name for the credit for the piece.
So I'm asking all of you to please remember to give credit where credit is due and not just copy something you think your friends will be interested in and send it on to them. Wouldn't you appreciate this same courtesy if you were the author of such a piece?
Questions from the Dog to God
Dear God: Is it on purpose our names are the same, only reversed?
Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?
Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?
Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a Dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle'?
Dear God: If a Dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad Dog?
Dear God: We Dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?
Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?
Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good Dog.
- I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.
- I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
- The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.
- The sofa is not a 'face towel'.
- The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
- I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
- Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying 'hello'.
- I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table.
- I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.
- I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the capet.
- I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.
- The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.
P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?