Collected from various places on the Internet. But no credit was given to the authors by the posters.

Highway Sign:

NOTICE

THANK YOU FOR NOTICING
THIS NEW NOTICE.

YOUR NOTICING IT HAS BEEN NOTED

AND WILL BE REPORTED TO THE AUTHORITIES.

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Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

The above statement obviously comes from "experience"!

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NEW SUPERMARKETING TECHNIQUES:

A while ago a new supermarket opened.

~ It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

~ When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and there is the scent of freshly mown hay.

~ In the meat department, there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions.

~ When you approach the egg case, you hear hens clucking and cackling, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.

~ The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread and cookies.

I don't buy toilet paper there anymore!

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ROSE BUDS & HANGING BASKETS:

A teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with a see-through blouse on and no bra. Her grandmother pitched a fit, telling her not to dare go out like that!

The teenager tells her "Loosen up Grams. These are modern times. You gotta let your rosebuds show!" and out she goes.

The next day the teenager comes downstairs, and the grandmother is sitting here with no top on. The teenager wants to die. She explains to her grandmother that she has friends coming over and that it is just not appropriate!

The wise old grandmother smiles and says, "Loosen up, Sweet. If you can show off your rosebuds, then I can display my hanging baskets."

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I was visiting my daughter and her family last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.

"This is the 21st century," she said. "We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, you can borrow my iPad."

I can tell you, that stupid fly never knew what hit it!

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