Received via email with the credit removed. This happens more often than not - I'd sure love to credit whoever thought these up.

He said to me . ... .. I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
I said to him . ... .. You wear pants don't you?

He said to me . ... .. Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
I said to him . ... .. That's a good idea - you stand by the stove & sink while I sit on the sofa and do nothing but fart.

He said to me . ... .. What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
I said to him . ... .. Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said to me . ... .. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
I said to him . ... .. I don't know; it has never happened.

He said to me . ... .. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
I said to him . ... .. They already have boyfriends.

He said to me . ... .. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
I said to him . ... .. A widow.

He said to me . ... .. Why are married women heavier than single women?
I said to him . ... .. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed...Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

He said to me . ... .. I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time!
I said to him . ... .. Allow me to explain. The good Lord made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; And he made me stupid so I would be attracted to you.