First of all, some education: Blonds are....well you know...Remember "blond" is a color, not a gender. And when used to designate a man with yellow hair, it is written "blond," but to designate a woman with yellow hair, it is written "blonde"...Please read that again!

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A friend told the blond: "Christmas is on a Friday this year."

The blond then said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th."

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Two blonds find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station.

One asked: "What if one explodes before we get there?"

The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two."

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A woman phoned her blonde neighbor and said: "Close your curtains the next time you and your husband are having sex. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."

To which the blonde replied: "Well the joke's on all of you because I wasn't even at home yesterday."

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A blonde is in the bathroom and her husband shouts: "Did you find the shampoo?"

She answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's for dry hair, and I've just wet mine."

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A blonde goes to the vet with her goldfish. "I think it's got epilepsy," she tells the vet.

The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me".

The blonde says, "Wait, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet".

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A blond spies a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ".

He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.

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A blonde's dog goes missing and she is frantic.

Her husband says "Why don't you put an ad in the paper?"

She does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.

"What did you put in the paper?" her husband asks.

"Here boy!" she replies.

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A blond man is in jail. Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet. "Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks.

"Hanging myself," the blond replies.

"It should be around your neck" says the guard.

"I tried that," the blond replies, "but then I couldn't breathe".

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(This one actually makes sense!!!)

An Italian tourist asks a blonde: "Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"

To which the blonde replies: "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."

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