THE BEST
DIVORCE LETTER EVER!

Arranged by Florence W. Deems **

Dear Wife, Iím writing you this letter to tell you that Iím leaving you forever. Iíve been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. ...

Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didnít even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps.

You donít tell me you love me anymore; you donít want sex or anything that connects us as husband and wife. Either youíre cheating on me or you donít love me anymore; whatever the case, Iím gone.

Your EX-Husband

P.S. donít try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life! óó

The Ex-wife's reply:

Dear Ex-Husband,

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. Itís true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what youíve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping. Too bad that doesnít work.

I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ĎYou look just like a girl!í Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you canít say something nice, I didnít comment.

And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago.

About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone..

Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you wonít get a dime from me. So take care.

Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell and Free!

P.S. I donít know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope thatís not a problem...

** This came to me via email. I do not know the author.

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